Last week I ordered a couple of things from “europe’s rock mailorder no.1” EMP. They also sent a print catalogue, which I always consider a nice thing to have around. It usually ends up in the bathroom after a couple days so you can browse through while … well, you know …

Once I got to the CD section, I read some of the reviews of new releases and couldn’t help but wonder how freaking many categories of heavy music there are today. This is a, most likely incomplete because I lost track of what I already listed, list of categories they put music into.

  • Alternative Rock
  • Thrash Metal
  • Power Metal
  • Folk Metal
  • Deathcore
  • Punk Rock
  • Hardrock
  • Melodic Death Metal
  • Heavy Metal
  • Gothic Rock
  • Metalcore
  • Death Metal

That was only from the first two pages of CD reviews. But there’s more!

  • Electrocore
  • Screamo
  • Hair
  • Black Metal
  • Progressive Metal
  • Doom Metal
  • Electro
  • Dark Rock
  • German Rock
  • Folk Rock
  • Dark Metal
  • Melodic Metal
  • Doom Rock
  • Grindcore
  • Rock’n’Roll
  • Mathcore
  • Fun Metal
  • Progressive Rock
  • Symphonic Metal
  • Medieval Rock
  • Viking Metal
  • Pagan Metal
  • Industrial Metal

In case you stopped counting, thats thirty five categories. Thirty fucking five! And when somebody asks you what kind of music you like, you say “uhm, Death Metal, maybe some Black Metal once in a while, oh and of course Thrash Metal”. I mean – this is ridiculous. It’s Metal! Exclamation point!


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